Tony Robbins Ultimate Relationship Program Review

As an NLP coach, I get a LOT of relationship questions and complaints from my married clients (almost all of them, in fact!).

1. I wish she wouldn’t put the kids before me.
2. I really don’t know if I’m in love with him anymore.
3. I really can’t put up with my wife’s mood swings anymore - it’s not worth the stress.
4. My husband is never present - even when he’s in the room with me.
5. My wife never wants to make love, and I can’t keep going in this kind of marriage.
6. He works all the time, and is gone on weekends too - I feel like a single mom.
7. My wife is so needy - it’s such a burden.

Most of the people I know seek my relationship advice because my own marriage went from being truly awful to becoming absolutely amazing. I know that if a couple was truly dedicated to saving their marriage, that working with me would bring them back from the brink of divorce.

But to be perfectly honest, I won’t take on relationship coaching clients unless they buy and go through Tony’s Anthony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program first.

It’s really that good.

$250 for this set of DVDs and CDs is way cheaper than dropping $5000+ for a one-on-two live intensive divorce intervention. And the couples that Tony works with all overcome the problems I mention in the bullet points at the beginning of this article. I’d rather my clients get the result they are seeking than simply sign them up for a coaching program with me they might not even need. And Tony’s material is SO engaging there’s really no way you can’t make a shift while watching it.

One of the key questions you probably have in your mind is:

“But my spouse would never watch through these DVDs with me”

And my answer to you is: buy them anyway.

The key to relationship change is changing yourself first. That’s exactly why this program is so effective - it gives you the exact instructions and tools to make the changes you need to make in order to get the relationship you want. And yes, I own a very dog-eared copy of this program, and both my husband and I can truly attribute a good percentage of our marital happiness to watching these DVDs.

Tony has recently re-released his Ultimate Relationship Program with some major upgrades to the original version. There are now 7 DVDs instead of 6, and they added 12 audio CDs and an entirely new workbook to the package. Since I bought it a year and a half ago and thought it was valuable then at $250, I’m almost wishing that I had just borrowed a set, because now I really want this new version, which has all the original content plus all these goodies.

I highly, highly recommend it.

~

Disclosure:

I’ve been involved with the Chicago-based Anthony Robbins & Associates organization for over 3 years now as a senior trainer and coach. I’ve paid for his CDs, books, and programs out of my own pocket, and in each instance, I can honestly say I walked away from each purchase feeling like I was the one who got the great deal.

Although I would earn a commission off of the purchase of this product if you bought it through this site, I ONLY recommend products that I can stand behind 100%. My name is on the line here and here. It wouldn’t be worth it to me to push a product that would risk my reputation in any way, shape or form.

When is it Time to Leave an Alcoholic?

Ever since I wrote the Married to an Alcoholic series, I have watched in heartbreaking sadness at the keywords people have used to find this site:

• divorcing an alcoholic husband anger
• when is it time to divorce an alcoholic
• married to an alcoholic when should i leave
• how to leave your alcoholic husband
• how do i get my alcoholic husband out of our house
• married to an alcoholic, why am I so angry

To each and every one of you, first of all, my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are now. I did the Google searches too, seeking a way out of the pain and anguish of my everyday life. And all pitches aside, my one hour free coaching call is available to each and every one of you, even if you have no means to afford a future coaching relationship.

But the truth of the matter is that you have found this site because you already know you can’t continue to live your life the way you are currently living it, with an alcoholic spouse at your side.

The answer is probably one you don’t want to hear, but it is the only one that will work for you:

Yet, keep reading dear friend, because I can indeed help you find your way.

Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. These are not easy questions. And don’t bother taking them on unless you are willing to give yourself honest answers. Set aside some time away from your home environment in order to give these questions your full attention, because you will likely get a bit emotional as you uncover your own truths:

• What is the cost of my leaving this relationship?
• How will this decision affect others?
• What will I leave behind?
• What will I have to let go of?
• What will I have to face within myself once I am gone?
• What is the cost of my staying in this relationship?
• Who else is being hurt by staying in this alcoholic environment?
• What will happen to my self-worth, my health, and my happiness if I continue on this path for another 5 years? Another 10 years? Another 20?
• What am I teaching my children by staying in this relationship?
• What are the benefits of staying in this relationship?
• I’m still here for a reason - what am I getting out of staying here?
• Will these benefits continue for the rest of our lives together, or will they change with time?
• Do these benefits outweigh the costs? Yes or No?
• What are the benefits of leaving this relationship?
• What will I be able to achieve if I end this relationship now?
• How will I be living my life differently in 5 years if I end this relationship now? 10 years? 20?
• Do these benefits outweigh the costs? Yes or No?

Additionally, I would encourage you to take this decision seriously. I don’t know any person who has not ‘threatened to leave’ an alcoholic spouse as a leverage chip to try and get their spouse sober.

The problem is with the word “threaten”. If you say you will leave, yet don’t, you are reinforcing the fact that you think it is OK that they continue to drink.

So once you make your decision, you must also be willing to stick to it. And if you aren’t, then you aren’t in a position to make your ‘half decision’ a bargaining chip.

Remember also, if you decide to stay, then you must also take responsibility for that. You know at this point what staying means.

I can tell you this:

Making the decision to leave my husband was the ONLY THING that could have happened in his life for him to make the decision to get sober. I had to take a huge risk, knowing full well that I could have ended up single, or he could have been lying to me once again. So by sticking to my guns, in the end, I got what I wanted most of all. But I had to be willing to let that all go to raise my standards.

This may or may not be what happens with you. Your spouse may decide to continue to drink. You must be willing to face that reality if you are indeed going to decide to stick to your guns, too.
In the end, I did what I will tell you to do:

Follow your heart.

Only you know what is right for you - and your heart is where you will find that answer. I can say from personal experience that following your heart is not always easy, nor does it feel very good at times.

But in the end, it will always lead you in the right direction. Always. And it will feel good with time, and with continued listening. I can promise you this.

Sobriety was Only the Start of our Marriage Problems

I remember thinking that if my husband just got sober, that everything would be ok. I know that’s why I stuck around for much longer than I normally would have. I kept giving him chance after chance to finally get it together.

But when I put my foot down for the last time, I wasn’t really prepared for the unravelling of our marraige - and the unravelling of my husband as well:

From my old journal:

He is so hurt and so lost. I love him so much and I feel so helpless watching him spiral out of control. He keeps looking to me to make him want to change – yet if he changes for me he will never address the internal challenges that make him drink in the first place. I have been building up my strength for nearly 2 years to get to this point.

But to be honest this just isn’t what I expected. [Read more]

Filed Under Relationships, Self Help Exercises · 7 Comments  

What You Hear is My Responsibility

November 27, 2006

ARGH! I’ve had a challenging day in which a friend is really no longer a friend.

Though difficult to explain without providing too many details, I wasn’t exactly surprised that this happened. My friend’s self worth was at an all-time low. I had coached him for HOURS to help him live his life more at cause rather than effect. Yet this person consistenly focused on the situation with our group of friends as a personal attack. Rather, we had been encouraging him to raise his standards and be the loving leader we knew he was capable of being.

Now, I know that his choices are his choices.

AND something that keeps coming to mind is one of the tenets I live my life by:

“The meaning of the communication you give is the response it elicits”

Meaning, we are responsible for what we communicate, and are also responsible for how it is understood. It’s not so easy to put into action, say, when having a fight with your spouse (I know that from experience!!).

For example, you say, “I wish you wouldn’t do that” and they say, “You are being condescending”. If in fact you do NOT wish to come off as condescending, then it is up to YOU as the communicator to rephrase the initial sentence until the person you are speaking to actually hears “I wish you wouldn’t do that”. (Acting on your request is a whole different conversation )
Hindsight being 20-20, I can say I would have changed my approach with my friend. I know that “The meaning of the communication you give is the response it elicits” really only works when there is TWO-WAY communication. And when someone simply isn’t willing to listen or engage in open and honest communication, well, it’s kind of hard to get anywhere.

Everything happens for a reason. As our group of friends says goodbye to this man, who, while having his challenges, does indeed have a great heart, I must look back and find my gifts.

The gifts are the learnings - the lessons from the experience that will allow me to find value in it no matter what happened.

My gifts are:

I know I came from a place of love with him in my last communication with him (AND he heard it). I feel great about that.

I know that with time, I can reach out to this person again and perhaps find that growth will allow a reconcilliation.

I know that if this were to happen again, I have more tools and resources to draw upon.

I can continue to create new ways I could have approached the situation - and these new ideas will serve to enhance many of future client relationships and friendships for  years to come.

~

This is what we do when we overcome obstacles. We don’t make them go away. We find value in them and turn them into gifts. I may save someone’s life someday because of what I learned here. Or I may simply become a better coach and friend. Either way, I win.

Filed Under Coaching, Relationships · 2 Comments  

Misunderstandings, Meanings, and Self Esteem

November 20, 2006

Originally posted at eMoms at Home:
I just received a scathing email from an old friend of mine - which really threw me off, because I wasn’t upset with her and didn’t think she was upset with me. Her email was filled with presuppositions and assumptions - things she had created in her head and believed to be true about a situation between her and a group of our friends. Yet as I read her words I was saddened to see all of the meanings she had attached to our actions. And I had to ask myself - if she had a higher self worth, could she have EVER made these assumptions about a group of friends that always has and always will love her?

It reminded me of a stark example I once saw about the meanings we attach to things - and how our interpretations can either empower us, or we can rip ourselves to pieces in the blink of an eye.

Read more of Can Tiny Interactions have Big Consequences in your Business? 

Filed Under Relationships, Self Esteem · 2 Comments  

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